


The TARDIS

by weezly14



Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Office (US)
Genre: And Nine and Donna are desk mates, And Ten is pining after Rose, F/M, Gen, The Office AU, Where they all sell paper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-16 13:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weezly14/pseuds/weezly14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to TARDIS Paper Company, the subjects of a new documentary. Get to know the people behind the paper. A Doctor Who AU based on The Office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> So, like the summary said, this is an AU where the characters from Doctor Who are set in The Office, sort of. Rather than casting it, as in Ten is Jim and Rose is Pam, I’ve just put the characters into the setting, so Harriet Jones isn’t Michael Scott, character wise, she just has the same job as him. In some cases there might be more direct parallels (like Ten/Rose as Jim/Pam) but not for everyone.
> 
> Since we can't have 3 people running around being called Doctor, I've given each regeneration his own name. Nine is Hal (the name he took in the Doctor Who novel Stealers of Dreams), Ten is James (the name he took in Tooth and Claw), and Eleven is John (the most common name the Doctor takes).
> 
> Italics are talking heads, or interviews with the camera crew.
> 
> Enjoy!

“TARDIS, this is Rose.”

He glances up at her from his desk, hardly even realizing he’s doing it. She’s nodding, phone in one hand as she jots something down. He smiles to himself before going back to his paperwork.

It’s only 8:47.

  

_“Well, we are a small—not that small, mind you, but on the smaller—small-ish side, paper company. Um, we sell, well, paper, obviously, but also, um, you know, business cards and things. Mostly locally, though we did recently sign a rather big deal with the county. That was quite exciting. Though still local, I suppose.”_

_“So, there’s Rose at reception. Harriet’s the boss, she’s—she’s quite lovely, really. Harold, who sits by me, is not. Can’t stand him, really. Donna and Hal by us, and we four are the sales team. In accounting, you’ve got Amy, Martha, and John. Lucy, she’s head of HR. River works back there with her. Rory, he’s the temp. There was a lovely woman, Sarah Jane, used to work here, got out. She pops in for a visit now and again, comes by the Christmas party. We’re a, we’re a bit of a motley crew, but we get along, mostly.”_

_“Yes, so, right, James and Hal are my brothers. Some people swear we’re the same person, not for looks so much, we don’t look anything alike, but we’re so—so similar, our mannerisms, I suppose, they joke sometimes it’s like we’re one person, different points in life. Luckily we all get on, otherwise working, it’d be rather unpleasant, wouldn’t it?”_

James stretches in his chair, looks over at Rose, who’s staring intently at her computer. He checks his watch, then gets up and walks over to her desk.

“Hard at work?”

She looks up at him guiltily. “Solitaire.”

“Have you at least beat my high score yet?” he asks with a grin. She flashes him a smile.

“Oh, ages ago.”

“Prove it.”

“And how do you expect me to do that?”

“You expect me to just take it on faith?”

“Would I lie to you?”

He stares at her, mock intently, and she giggles, covering her mouth to stifle the sound. He beams at her, grabbing a jelly baby from the tin she keeps on the desk.

“Slow morning, huh?” she asks after a pause.

“Aren’t they all?”

Her phone rings, and she smiles apologetically at him as she answers. He nods his understanding and walks back to his desk.

“TARDIS, this is Rose.”

 

_“Harriet Jones, Regional Manager, TARDIS Paper Company.”_

_“Yes, we know who you are.”_

_“Right. Well, I’m delighted to have you here. I do hope you make yourselves comfortable here in our office. They’re a wonderful bunch, really. I have to say, though, I don’t quite understand why you’d want to film us. Can’t be that exciting, can we? But, as I said, it’s lovely to have you here.”_

_“Hi, I’m Rose. I work reception here. Not exactly any little girl’s dream job, but it pays the bills. And everyone’s great. Well, except Harold, but, you know. There are others who . . . balance him out._ _James, you’ve met him, yeah? He’s a good . . . good friend. Yeah. We keep each other company, keep each other sane. He’ll come visit me at reception. Well, I keep jelly babies in a tin on the desk, and they’re his favorite, so it might just be that, but. No, he’s—he’s great.”_

_“Yeah, we’re quite good friends, Rose and I. Did she say that? Yeah. I sit just across the—our desks are quite close, so we’ll share a smile throughout the day. Have lunch in the break room. She keeps jelly babies at reception for me, and I make sure no one eats her yogurt—mixed berry is her favorite, by the way.”_

“John, are we to use the new forms for the expense reports, or is that starting next quarter?”

“What’s that, James?”

“The expense reports.”

“Right, yes, let me just check . . . that . . . out,” John says, rummaging around his desk.

“It's the new ones,” says Rory.

“You don’t even work accounting,” says Amy.

“I still know,” Rory retorts. John is still rummaging about his desk.

“Thanks,” James says, heading back to his desk.

 

_“I’ve been here a few months now. It’s just a temporary job. I’m going to night school, to become a nurse. Amy laughs, but. Yeah, from accounting. She’s my girlfriend. Told me about this job, actually. It’s not bad, so far. Don’t intend on staying long.”_

_“Yeah, Rory and I talk sometimes. He wants to be a nurse, I want to be a doctor. I’m planning on going back to school, just working here to save up. Amy and John and nice, I work with them mostly. And James. He’s quite—he’s quite nice as well.”_

 

“Listen, Oncoming Storm, you coming out to the pub tonight?” Donna asks Hal. He doesn’t even look up. “Oi, I’m talking to you.”

“I heard.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“So, you coming out to the pub tonight?”

“Nope.”

“No?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“Why not?”

“I see you lot all day, think I wanna see you in my free time as well?”

She ignores him. “James, what about you?”

“Hmm?”

“Since your brother, Mr. Moody, isn’t coming out, are you?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Good. But no funny business.”

“Why would there be any funny business?”

“That’s what I’m saying, there won’t be any.”

“Right.”

“Good. Glad that’s settled. Tell Rose to come along, too,” she says, giving him a wink. He ignores it.

“Sure, yeah.”

_“Donna Noble. I’ll have an interview now, since you didn’t ask. Best temp in Chiswick I was, ‘til I got my job here. Fastest typer, even better than Rose. I’ve been here, round three years now. Got paired up with the Oncoming Storm, over there. Hal. Doesn’t say much, except for the occasional snide comment. I get on much better with his brother, James. Call him Spaceman, can’t remember why. You’re putting this in a documentary, yeah? And my mum said this job’d lead nowhere.”_

Rose sat in the break room with a carton on yogurt. James walked in with a paper bag.

“Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

He sits.

 

_“Yeah, we have lunch together most days. You know, we’ll sit with other people sometimes, too, but other people, it’s like you’ve got to talk and keep up conversation, but when it’s us we can either talk or just sit together in silence. It’s nice that way. We’re quite like-minded, James and I.”_

“So, any plans for the weekend?” James asks as he takes out his sandwich.

“Not really. Probably go visit my mum.”

“Ugh. Domestics.”

“Just you wait. One day you’ll—”

Pause.

“What about you? Any plans?”

“No, no, not me,” he says. They sit in silence for a few seconds. “Actually, a few of us are going to the pub after work.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, Donna, and me, and I think Amy and Rory and John might go as well. Do you want to come?”

“Yeah, sounds fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She smiles at him. He smiles at her.

Harold walks in with Lucy.

“James, what it this, your fourth break today?”

“It’s my lunch, Harold.”

“It’s taking away from your sales time, and, last I checked, James, you could do with all the time you could get.” He smiles widely. “I’m just looking out for you.”

James doesn’t respond, but he and Rose throw away their trash and leave the room to Harold and Lucy.

 

_“Yeah, I’ve been the top salesman here for, oh, the entire time I’ve been here. I’ll have Harriet’s job soon.”_

“Hey, babe.”

“Hey,” says Rose, leaning up to give Mickey a quick kiss.

“Ready to go?”

“I just need to make a few copies.”

“’S all right. I’ll wait.”

Rose smiles and walks to the back, where the copiers and fax machine are. James looks up, watches her go. Then he glances over at Mickey.

“Hi,” he says. Mickey nods.

 

_“So, Rose is dating this bloke called Mickey. He works down in the warehouse. Been together for years, since before she started here. Not engaged yet, but I’m sure that’s a near thing.”_

“All done?” Mickey asks as Rose gets back to her desk.

“Yeah,” she answers, shutting off her computer and grabbing her bag. “A couple of people from the office were going down to the pub, I wondered if—”

“Nah, let’s just get home, yeah? Been a long week.”

“Yeah.”

“Next time,” Mickey says. They both know he doesn’t mean it.

“Bye, James,” Rose says to him with a wave and an apologetic smile.

“Have a good night,” he replies. Mickey doesn’t say anything, just puts a hand on her back to guide her out. James lets out a sigh.

 

_“Do I think I’d be invited to the wedding? Well.”_

 

“The pub?” asks Amy.

“The pub!” says Donna. They shut down their computers and grab their things.

“Want to come, Harriet?” Martha asks.

“No, no, you go ahead,” she says.

“Have a good weekend,” John says brightly, following the lot of them out the door.

 

_“Harriet Jones, Reg—”_

_“Yes, we know who you are.”_

_“Right. Well, they’re a good bunch. In a strange way it feels like they’re mine, like it’s my job to protect them, from the outside and from each other. James and Harold do disagree so often. But I act in their best interest. I represent them to corporate, I have to take a firm stance, ensure that the guys up there know, my people’s jobs are important. There will be no downsizing here, not on my watch. Not that that’s a concern. Not a major one, at least._

_“Don’t say anything to them about it.”_


	2. The Client, part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Downsizing? Visitors? Jack Harkness? Just another day at the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you following along at home, this fic won't be following the order of Office episodes. However, this chapter storyline is based on the episode, The Client. It'll be two parts, so here's part 1. Enjoy!

“Stupid ape. Go on, we don’t need your business. See if I care!” Hal slams the receiver down.

Donna stares at him.

“What?”

“You know, we’re supposed to make them like us.”

“Yeah, and how’s that going for you?”

“Touché.”

Harold wanders over. “What is that, the third account you’ve lost this week?”

“Sod off.”

“I’m only stating a fact. I’d watch out if I were you.”

“Well, you’re not, so get back to your little desk and mind your own.”

Harold smiles wickedly. “Believe me, I am.”

 

_“So I’ve lost a few accounts recently. Not my fault. These stupid apes they’ve given me for clients have all gone and sided with the larger chains. They’ll regret it, they’ll see the larger chains haven’t the same level of customer service we’ve got here.”_

 

“Oh, don’t be stupid, of course you want to order the cards as well.”

 

“Yeah, because that was a stupid graphic you sent. I’m trying to help you.”

 

_“They’ll see. They’ll come back.”_

 

\---

 

“TARDIS, this is Rose.”

 

\---

 

“Harold, would you—”

Harold looks up. “What?”

“Could you just—could you stop with the—”

“What?”

James sighs. “The tapping.”

Harold taps his desk with his pen again. “This?”

“Yes, that. Could you stop it?”

Harold just smiles. “Nope.”

 

_“So he does this—he does this tapping thing. One two three four, one two three four—on and on, every day. With his pen, with his foot, he’s tapping out that pattern all the bloody time. And does he stop when I ask him to?”_

 

\---

 

John and Amy sit in the break room. John is gesticulating wildly; Amy is laughing. Rory walks in.

“Hello.”

“Rory!” says John brightly.

“Mind if I—”

“No, not at all.” John nudges a chair for him. Rory nods and sits.

“All right?” he asks Amy.

“Yeah. Busy day.”

Rory looks at the camera.

 

_“Look, I’m not—I’m not jealous. That’s stupid. John’s, he’s—he’s a friend. Of Amy’s. Yeah, they’ve known each other—so, they met first when they were kids, and then when he came to work here they reconnected. Happens all the time these days, you know?_

_“We’re fine, thanks._

 

“So, I was thinking—” Rory begins, but Amy cuts him off.

“I’ve got to get back to work,” she says as she gets up. “We’ll talk later, yeah?”

“Later. Sure.”

Amy gives Rory a quick kiss and then leaves. John smiles at him awkwardly.

“Lots of . . . accounting, to do.”

 

_“I’m not jealous.”_

 

\---

 

“James McCrimmon,” he says into his phone. He gets a look that’s a cross between a grin and a grimace. As whoever’s on the other line greets him.

“Hello, Jack.”

 

“ _Jack is an old friend of the family. He, um, he knew my brother, knew Hal first, then me. Not so close to John, but he’s bit younger than us, isn’t he? Hung around a different crowd than Hal and I did. He—Jack, that is—works for TARDIS as well. Well, sort of. He deals in paper, like us, but he’s sort of his own agent, an independent paper agent, and then we’ll partner up—he’ll come in on it with us—for certain clients, larger accounts._

_“What’s he like? He’s, um. Well, he’s coming in today, so. You’ll get to meet him. See for yourself.”_

\---

 

“Jack’s coming in, yeah?”

“Honestly, Rose, could you act a little less excited, please?” James whines.

“Why? I like Jack,” she retorts with a grin.

“Everyone likes Jack, that’s not the problem.”

“No? Then what’s the problem?”

“Did someone say problem?” comes a voice from the door.

“Oh, God.”

Jack walks in, beaming. Rose runs up to him and hugs him, and when he spins her around she squeals a bit.

“Rosie, Rosie, Rosie,” he says as he lets her down.

“Hello, Jack.”

“Oi, I’ll be having a hug as well,” says Donna.

“Just a hug?” he asks with a wink. James rolls his eyes. Rose sees and hits him lightly on the arm.

“You want a hug too, James? Is that why you’re frowning? Want a piece of this?” Jack asks, releasing Donna and moving toward James.

“No, that is not—”

Jack gives James a bear hug. The rest of his sentence is muffled in Jack’s coat.

 

\---

 

“Conference room in five minutes, everyone,” Harriet calls as she exits her office to head to the kitchen area.

Jack and Rose are chatting away at reception, and James tries not to watch and fails.

Donna’s on the phone.

John and Amy are laughing about something, and Rory tries not to watch and fails.

“Such a shame,” says Harold.

“What is?” James asks.

“Such a terrible shame,” he repeats, tapping his pen. James meets the camera’s eye but doesn’t respond. Harold sighs heavily.

“What, Saxon?”

“You do know what this meeting’s about, don’t you?”

“No, what’s it about?”

Harold leans in closer, and says in a whisper: “Downsizing.”

“Downsizing.”

“That’s right. But I’m sure you’ll be fine. You made—what, 2 sales last month?”            “It was more than that, Harold.”

“Right, right. My mistake.” Harold grins again. “Still. Others might not be so lucky.” He glances at Hal, who’s furiously typing at his computer.

 

\---

 

_“Am I worried about downsizing? No. Why am I not worried? Well, it’s been going around for ages, downsizing, downsizing, watch out ‘cause we’re gonna be downsizing. And has anything happened? Has anyone been sacked? No.  So, no, I’m not too concerned about it. Harold just likes—he likes people to think he’s got some sort of control, like he knows more than they do, which—no matter what he tells you—he doesn’t.”_

 

“ _Harriet J—”_

_“We know who you are.”_

_“Right. Well, it’s certainly a—it’s a possibility. Yes, it’s been rumored to be a possibility for quite some time, but. It all depends on this account, really. Not entirely, but this account is very important. That’s why Jack is here, he’s going on this one with TARDIS. You’ve met Jack, yes?”_

\---

 

“Hey,” James says, walking up to reception.

“Hey,” Rose says, still giggling at something Jack said. James smiles slightly.

“What’ve you been doing, James? Or should I say who?” Jack asks with a cheeky grin.

“Conference room!” shouts Harriet as she walks from her office to the conference room.

“You heard her,” Harold says, following her and giving them all a good stare. It’s possibly meant to be intimidating. It isn’t.

“But seriously, James, if you’re not seeing anyone, I can—”

“That’s quite all—”

“—set you up.”

“No, thank you. I’m all set.”

“So you’re seeing someone?”

“Well, no, but—”

“You’re holding everyone up!” says Harold from the door. Jack, Rose, and James roll their eyes but go into the conference room regardless.

“Now that we’re all present,” Harold glares at James, who ignores him, “you can begin, Harriet.”

“Thank you, Harold.”

 


End file.
